I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
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I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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