i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
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I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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