can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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