he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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