i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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