Your mouth is God's brothel.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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