I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
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I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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