Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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