I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
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Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize