did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
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Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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