dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
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Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
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I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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