I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize