I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My pussy is not your playground.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
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I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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