I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
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You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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