So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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