I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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