Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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