I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize