He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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