I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize