Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
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More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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