the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
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Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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