I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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