John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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