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    (646): View more from New York

    We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.

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    Replies (5) Good night (143) Bad night (42) Order T-Shirt
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    (+92): View more from

    Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?

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    Replies (1) Good night (83) Bad night (53) Order T-Shirt
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    (702): View more from Nevada

    We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.

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    Replies (0) Good night (115) Bad night (39) Order T-Shirt
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    (515): View more from Iowa

    I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"

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    Replies (3) Good night (229) Bad night (68)
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    (808): View more from Hawaii

    there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women

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    Replies (2) Good night (156) Bad night (36) Order T-Shirt
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    (817): View more from Texas

    Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?

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    Replies (3) Good night (146) Bad night (49) Order T-Shirt
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    (562): View more from California

    I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!

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    Replies (3) Good night (190) Bad night (78) Order T-Shirt
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    (602): View more from Arizona

    I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth

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    Replies (3) Good night (41) Bad night (125) Order T-Shirt
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    (619): View more from California

    She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.

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    Replies (0) Good night (268) Bad night (43) Order T-Shirt
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    (330): View more from Ohio

    Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.

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    Replies (0) Good night (137) Bad night (49) Order T-Shirt
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    (502): View more from Kentucky

    That shot was terrible

    (1-502): View more from Kentucky

    You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up

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    Replies (0) Good night (46) Bad night (153) Order T-Shirt
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    (330): View more from Ohio

    exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.

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    Replies (5) Good night (173) Bad night (32) Order T-Shirt
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    (732): View more from New Jersey

    I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.

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    Replies (0) Good night (111) Bad night (48) Order T-Shirt
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    (+46): View more from Sweden

    Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving

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    Replies (3) Good night (365) Bad night (68) Order T-Shirt
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    (816): View more from Missouri

    It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.

    (314): View more from Missouri

    The student becomes the teacher.

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    Replies (1) Good night (142) Bad night (126)
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  • (859): The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow http://t.co/sQOeFAaf
  • (270): him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
  • (627): The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
  • (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
  • (724): A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
  • (303): Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.

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