Texts From Last Night

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(312): View more from Illinois

If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.

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(312): If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab. http://tfl.nu/3osp

Replies (6) Good night (2509) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
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(702): View more from Nevada

Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.

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(702): Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better. http://tfl.nu/sd76

Replies (11) Good night (3233) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.

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(724): Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring. http://tfl.nu/m3s5

Replies (5) Good night (309) Bad night (2991) Order T-Shirt
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two

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(617): I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two http://tfl.nu/3vhn

Replies (6) Good night (2086) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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(386): View more from Florida

Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.

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(386): Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go. http://tfl.nu/vo4f

Replies (10) Good night (266) Bad night (2044) Order T-Shirt
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(616): View more from Michigan

bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store

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(616): bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store http://tfl.nu/dcxn

Replies (7) Good night (2264) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
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(937): View more from Ohio

I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.

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(937): I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide. http://tfl.nu/dybq

Replies (3) Good night (1925) Bad night (290) Order T-Shirt
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(806): View more from Texas

What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???

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(806): What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head??? http://tfl.nu/gwk9

Replies (28) Good night (3129) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
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(404): View more from Georgia

My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.

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(404): My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/ev36

Replies (8) Good night (734) Bad night (2323) Order T-Shirt
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(310): View more from California

Obama is so hot when he ends wars.

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(310): Obama is so hot when he ends wars. http://tfl.nu/7ljv

Replies (158) Good night (5800) Bad night (4490) Order T-Shirt
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.

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(508): He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/n1jt

Replies (1) Good night (2469) Bad night (475)
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(530): View more from California

There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.

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(530): There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/r11o

Replies (11) Good night (2012) Bad night (451)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?

(1-816): View more from Missouri

Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.

(816): View more from Missouri

...... wtf.

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(816): Where'd you guys get the alcohol from? (1-816): Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower. (816): ...... wtf. http://tfl.nu/k9gx

Replies (17) Good night (4659) Bad night (391)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.

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(401): This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/lyuy

Replies (1) Good night (286) Bad night (1921) Order T-Shirt
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.

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(615): Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron. http://tfl.nu/4qyy

Replies (13) Good night (2952) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt

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