Texts From Last Night

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(910): View more from North Carolina

whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes

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(910): whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes http://tfl.nu/crfp

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(510): View more from California

I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

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(510): I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders. http://tfl.nu/3tbi

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(815): View more from Illinois

Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart

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(815): Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart http://tfl.nu/4qqp

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(516): View more from New York

Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice

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(516): Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice http://tfl.nu/slww

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(443): View more from Maryland

her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"

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(443): her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does" http://tfl.nu/16y8

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(203): View more from Connecticut

So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"

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(203): So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?" http://tfl.nu/t9pp

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(631): View more from New York

He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.

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(631): He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved. http://tfl.nu/jbvc

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(540): View more from Virginia

For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.

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(540): For future references, orgasms clear sinuses. http://tfl.nu/b2l7

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(702): View more from Nevada

Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.

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(702): Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter. http://tfl.nu/2ees

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.

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(832): I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice. http://tfl.nu/6cq1

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(702): View more from Nevada

I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.

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(702): I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault. http://tfl.nu/1m55

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(440): View more from Ohio

my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.

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(440): my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement. http://tfl.nu/zd8a

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(563): View more from Iowa

If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?

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(563): If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from? http://tfl.nu/xs7j

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(305): View more from Florida

MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.

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(305): MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like. http://tfl.nu/d99s

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(716): View more from New York

i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.

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(716): i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left. http://tfl.nu/3kuf

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