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She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
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