see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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