what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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