dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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