You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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