Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize