They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
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Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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