i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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