It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
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strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
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im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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