our cab driver is having phone sex.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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