He uses pillows to masturbate.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
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I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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