Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize