fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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