I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize