Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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