i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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