whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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