I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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