hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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