My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
