I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
