Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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