Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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