you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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