That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize