just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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